
Mental Health Fraud: Psychiatrists Now Claim They Were Bonkers When They Invented 300 Fake Mental Illnesses
Mental Health Fraud: Psychiatrists Now Claim They Were Bonkers When
They Invented 300 Fake Mental Illnesses
In the wake of claims of a psychiatrist on trail in the United States
that he suffered from "serious, but undiagnosed" bipolar disorder that
led him to fabricate data and otherwise falsify his research, another
case goes through the courts in which psychiatrists claim they were
raving mad when they invented mental illness.
Defense lawyers representing 10,000 psychiatrists standing trial for
the largest mental health fraud in history now claim their clients
were suffering from a hitherto undiagnosed mental illness
(Psychobabblorexia) when they accidentally fabricated 300 fake mental
illnesses and made everyone think they were proper doctors.
Graduating from numerous psychiatric schools such as the Otto Von
Bismarck Institute of Brain Hygiene and the Drug-U-Like Emporium, the
accused soon established themselves as experts on writing
prescriptions, killing celebrities, the eradication of parenting and
education and convincing people they are mentally ill.
By 2010 they had succeeded in publishing 5 million newspaper stories
convincing the entire population they could not eat, breathe, pee or
think without the aid of {*filter*}. They brought about a major change in
the treatment of human beings, particularly the view that all human
behavior except torture, genocide and terrorism and invading small
nations armed with spoons results from a chemical imbalance in the
brain. Indeed, the brain was blamed for everything and was considered
to be something of a disappointment so that nobody minded very much
when they proceeded to chop up and otherwise abuse the offending
organ.
But last year a routine tour of the Brain-U-Like Institute by a group
of ten year old schoolchildren brought to light certain discrepancies
in the research the psychiatrists had used to establish the
aforementioned legion of mental disorders the main discrepancy in
the research being that there had not actually been any beyond
watching people in the street during coffee-and-Prozac breaks from the
Institutes cafeteria.
Entries in Psychiatrys Diagnostic and Statistical Manual that were
based on the imaginary research have now been withdrawn, reducing the
hitherto 500 page manual to an A4 pamphlet bearing the legend
"Psychiatry Rools Ok." on the front and "Whoops, sorry" on its inner
pages. Many have hailed this new, streamlined version of the DSM as a
breakthrough and psychiatrys most scientific publication to date.
The psychiatrists meanwhile have changed their plea from "We are above
the law" to one of "guilty" on 1,333,789,567 counts of fraud,
embezzlement, and obtaining money with menaces, 1,678,009 counts of
false imprisonment, 345,678,954 counts of drug pushing and 27,000,000
of inventing patients. They have also agreed to repay $3,000,000,000
of dishonestly obtained funding from governments.
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